Through the unspeakable pain

JESUS holds me through the unspeakable pain!!!!
These past couple months has truly been the hardest pain to get through. I was struggling with trust, unforgivness, hurt, sadness, while battling the devil not to captivate me into depression. I had to be strong, i knew the scriptures, "I will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee for he trusteth in thee" isa26:3. I would hear preaching being echoed in my ear. "Am i worth it through the pain? Am i worth it through the tears? am i worth it when people turn on you? It must be your joy to do my will. I was frustrated and angry. I fell in love with an individual and it did not work out as i planned. I can say nothing is of my own. My life is not my own to plan its the LORD'S. I cried straight for three months, i was suppose to be over it, it was suppose to be buried, but it kept rising up in my spirit. I would cry to the LORD telling him to bring me out, but one day he gave me a scripture, it was February 28th, and he said "when When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee. " He was with me through it all, he would bring me through not out. He would not leave me comfortless he is my comfort john 14:18. One Sunday i went to church and was praying at the LORD just being real with the LORD about my frustration and i felt him wrap his arms around me and tell me he would never leave me. JESUS IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I am so in love with him. A sister told me once" how are u suppose to know how good the LORD is until you go through stuff to know him" How i am i suppose to know i need JESUS until i needed him how am i suppose to know him as a friend, comfort, a deliverer, a shelter, my hope, my strength through pain, until i needed him. This is the point of my life where i have truly experienced him as all these things, and this is what has established my unquenchable love for him. I am not completing done fighting this battle but i know its almost over, i know my NEW SEASON is arising just around the corner! I feel it. He gave me the scripture " he knoweth the way that i take when he hath tried me I SHALL come forth as GOLD" job 23:10. I believe him, because my JESUS has been here through this unspeakable pain :)

DESPITE OF.....

I look back at my life at times and i realize i am not where i use to be. I am actually no where close. Over the past couple years i have grown in ways i never even thought possible. I remember just sitting on my floor crying at times, feeling so lonely and frustrated. I dont have those days anymore-because of JESUS. I remember sitting angry and depressed. i dont have those days anymore-because of JESUS. Throughout my life time i have gone through many situations. I remember one time i got my self in a real mess. It was back in 06' i just got in church and the devil came at me hard. I thought i was invisible like no one could touch me but boy was i wrong. Trully i can say that after being delievered from that mess that i put myself in, i had a real appreciation for the LORD. I started to know him for who he was. He was my friend that never left me. I know a lot of individuals say JESUS is there friend, but u dont really know until u go through a situation in which u really need a friend. No one understood how i felt or how i hurt. But JESUS he still loved me and accepted me DESPITE of my sin DESPITE of my shame. EFor a while,(when everyone was judging me and talking about me) i wish i could take it all back. But now i dont, i am not condoning the situation and obviously i wish i didn't make a mistake like that and i am sorry, but i can say i am grateful for it, it made me grow and i know its truly what commenced my relationship with the LORD. I truly love JESUS with all that i am because when it felt like no one else loved me, or cared, or could understand. He did! He gave me joy, he helped to bring me out and he helped sustain me, he helped to uphold me. MY JESUS